Living in a Moment Stuck on Repeat
by unleashmysoul
Summary: Ellie is dead and it's all Emma's fault.
1. One

Emma and Sean pulled up to the church. They both saw their friends outside on the steps forming a small circle of black. Sean stepped out of the driver's side and buttoned his suit jacket. He waited for Emma to come around the front. He put his hand on the small of her back leading her to the church.

When they reached the steps, many hugs and tears were shared. They all headed inside not wanted to have go through this moment. They clung to each other afraid to do it alone.

Just a few days ago there had been many celebrations and tear-filled reunions and goodbyes. None of them had expected to be back so soon, sharing more tears, especially like this. They were all here for the same reason. To say goodbye to her, one final time.

Sean and Emma sat alone on a pew while Manny, J.T., Liberty and Toby were two pews in front of them. Jay and Spinner sat behind them in the last aisle. Alex, Paige, Jimmy and Hazel were across the aisle. Marco and Ashley sat up front in the first row with Craig and Dylan behind them for support.

When the service started Emma shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was having a hard time with this.

When Marco stood up to talk about his best friend, there wasn't a dry eye in the church

"Eleanor Nash was a great friend. I loved her deeply. She was there for me when no one else was. I remember the last time I saw her. It was just a couple days ago at the Dot. We were all sitting at our usual table, which had grown from three chairs to eighteen over the years. We were discussing our plans for the future. She had asked me if I would walk her down the aisle and give her away if she ever got married. I told her I would but only if she would stand as my best women. We even shook on it. She never broke her promises to me. This was the first time. Then she went on to tell me about how her life was going to be in the future. I never thought that Ellie wouldn't have one." Marco was beginning to break down.

"I never thought that I wouldn't get to walk her down the aisle one day, that she would never fulfill her destiny and find happiness that I had been so lucky to find."

As Marco continued, Emma began to play with her engagement ring she was so scared that she wouldn't either. Tears slowly started to rain down her cheeks.

Sean felt Emma tense up next to him. He followed her gaze down to her finger and realized what she was thinking. He ran his hand across the ring. She locked eyes with him and he shook his head lightly. He squeezed her hand for reassurance. He thought back to the day he gave her that ring.

**FLASHBACK**

Sean pulled his car into the familiar driveway. He grabbed his cap and gown as well as a small velvet-covered box. He opened the box and looks down at the treasure inside. He had it designed for her. A princess cut diamond trapped between two smaller gems that were two slightly different shades of blue. Their birth stones.

He had remembered when her mom had gotten engaged and Emma showed Manny a picture of the ring in Media Immersion. He had been sitting a few seats over and was listening to their conversation. Emma said she didn't want a huge diamond surrounded by other diamonds. She wanted something more personal that was a symbol of love for the two people engaged, not just something that hundreds of other women could be wearing. She said it could be worth a dollar as long as it meant something.

Five years later he thought of that conversation when he decided to propose. It had taken the Jeweler two months to put together and six months for Sean to pay it off.

Emma had been waiting for him at her house. They had decided to get ready at there and drive over to the school together. Sean closed the box and slipped it into his pocket before knocking on the door. His hands were shaking a little when she opened the door.

Once he saw her, he knew that today was the day he, Sean Cameron, was going to ask Emma Nelson to be his wife. She had pulled him into a kiss and then inside. After twenty minutes of getting dressed and pictures taken they were out the door and on their way to the school.

After the ceremony, he had been trying to get away from the crowd of kids with a last name that began with "C" so he could find Emma when he slammed into to someone. He stumbled a little and reach a hand out to the person he had knocked to the ground.

"I'm so sorry. Here let me help you up." Sean apologized

"One year and you don't recognize me? Well it's nice to see you too, Sean Cameron." The girl teased

"Oh my god, . . . Ellie?" Sean asked

"Yes, in the flesh." Ellie answered

Sean grabbed her in a tight hug, and released her with barely any oxygen left in her lungs.

"What are you doing here!"

"Ashley came in from London so I'm in town to see her and I wanted to see you graduate. I'm so proud of you Sean." She said hugging him again. "I missed you Sean."

"Thanks, I missed you too. I was hoping to run into today. I just thought I would run into you at one of the parties later. But here you are now! I have to tell you something." Sean said "Oh wait, before I forget to ask, what's your address?"

"I have something to tell you too. But first, why do you want my address?" Ellie had asked him

"Well I needed it because" he started to say while digging through his pockets. "Hold on. I have something to write on somewhere. Do you have a pen?"

"Yes, I always carry one." Ellie said after reaching in her purse and pulling one out.

"I guess I'll just write on this" Sean said, pulling his program out of his pocket. When he did, the box came out and crashed to the ground, it bounced and opened.

Ellie bent down and picked it up. She saw the ring and gasped "Is this an engagement ring?"

"Yes it is." Sean said proudly and smiling wide.

"Does this have something to do with what your going to tell me?" Ellie asked

"Actually it does. That's what I was going to ask you about."

"Oh my god Sean! It's beautiful! I'm so surprised. I know we ended badly, but I've done a lot of thinking and I've forgiven you. This is so sudden! I was hoping we could work things out, but I never thought it would be so easy to jump from ex's to being en-" Ellie was speaking so fast

"Friends! So, will you come then?" Sean interrupted excitedly

"Yes! Wait, what? . . . Friends? Come to what?" Ellie asked confused

"To the wedding. I'm asking Emma to marry me tonight. So if she says yes, you have to come to the wedding." Sean said while handing her the program "Here, write down your address so I can make sure to send you an invitation. You'll come won't you El?"

"Of course! Of course I'll come. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" Ellie tried to cover her heart breaking. She quickly scribbled down her address. She closed the box and handed both items back to Sean.

"Well, I've got to find Emma, so I catch up with you later. I'll see you at the Dot later with everyone else right?" Sean asked

Ellie nodded "Yeah sure, I'll be there"

"Oh wait. There was something you wanted to tell me right." Sean stopped

"Oh yeah. I just what to talk to you about being friends again. Just to tell you that there are no hard feelings." Ellie lied

"It was so great to see you Ellie. Hopefully when I see you later, I have another reason for us all to celebrate. I'm so nervous." Sean sighed

Ellie wrapped her arms around him once more and whispered

"I'm so happy for you. Don't worry Sean, she'll say yes. What girl would be crazy enough to turn you down? I know I wouldn't be. "

Sean was confused when she said that last part. She pulled away from him slowly, placing a soft kiss on his cheek before turning away.

**END FLASHBACK**

Thinking back on that moment, he thought he saw tears in her eyes. It wasn't until after she yesterday when Ashley told him that Ellie had come home to try to get back together with Sean, that he connected the dots together. When he replayed their last conversation, he realized she thought he was going to propose to her.


	2. Two

Funerals were never easy to sit through for Emma, not after almost having her own in grade ten. She had been to a few over the last couple of years.

Craig's fathers in Grade Eight after he was in a car accident.

Her real father Shane, got out of the facility he was in and jumped off a bridge again. This time he didn't make it. That was right before Halloween in Grade Eleven

Spinner's wife Terri passed away six months ago, during childbirth on Christmas eve. She had an aneurysm in her brain that burst. The swelling was due to the scar tissue that was left in her brain from the surgery she had after Rick pushed her. Fortunately, the baby made it.

Ellie's father had also died last year in July. He had a heart attack shortly after being Honorably Discharged from the military.

Now here Emma was standing at another close friends service.

Emma thought the worse part was watching someone be placed into the ground. It was proof that it was all real.

As she stood with Sean watching Ellie's casket lowered, She noticed that Mrs. Nash was drinking out of a silver flask, right there in the middle of the service. She had been sober since for two and half years. She even managed to stay sober after Ellie's father death. Ellie's passing was the breaking point.

"I'm alone, all alone!" Mrs. Nash sobbed. She went to place her rose on the casket and dropped to her knees.

"How could you do this Eleanor! I needed you! You were all I had left!" She screamed through broken cries.

Marco rushed forward with Craig and together helped the woman to her feet. Ashley stepped forward and Mrs. Nash clung to her.

"Ashley, Why did she do this? How could she kill herself?" Mrs. Nash asked softly.

"I don't know. She didn't say anything. No one knew." Ashley replied tears streaming down her cheeks. They stood there for a moment crying together.

Emma watched as each of her friends placed their roses.

Jay, Spinner, Dylan, Jimmy, J.T., Toby, Liberty, and Manny chose yellow roses, the color of friendship. Alex, Paige, and Hazel had chosen red, to show their love of Ellie. Ashley and Craig had both found yellow roses with red tips to show both love and friendship.

Marco had a sterling rose. Its petals were a soft lavender and had no thorns. When he placed it, he explained that these roses were perfect just like Ellie.

Sean placed a white lily. This was Ellie's favorite flower.

Emma chose a pink rose. She remembered Ellie telling her that secretly, pink was her favorite color. She had told Emma that if she ever told anyone, she would kick her ass. Emma kept this secret, and always would.

After they had all said their last goodbyes to their dear friend, they all huddled together again.

Tears were in all eyes, even Jay's.

"Mrs. Nash?" Marco asked when the service was over

"Yes Marco?" she said looking at the boy

"Do you need help getting home? If you want, we can come over and keep you company?" He asked

"No thank you. My sister is here and I am going home with her. You said such beautiful things today. You all did." She said looking at each of them as they gathered around her. She then in turn gave each of Ellie's friends a hug and a thank you.

After funeral was over Emma and Sean drove to the Dot to meet up with everyone else. Emma sat down next to Sean and looked around at the people sitting with her at the table. She laughed at how things had changed over the past two years. It was if the gang had played a new game of musical chairs every few months until finally settling into this one. She used to sit next to Manny and J.T. and Sean was on the other end of the table next to Jay and Craig. Now She sat next to Sean and still Manny.

"Do you guys remember the first time we sat at this table?" Marco asked

"Marco, they wouldn't. It was just me, you, and Ellie." Ashley started.

"No, the first time we all sat at this table, this one. The one Spinner had to beg his boss to let us put together." Marco said

"I remember" Spinner started "I had to promise that we would come every day after school was over. And if 3/4 of the table wasn't full, it was gone. He was so mad that we were switching tables."

"Yeah, because we used to be the only ones to take up the big table under the window. And that was only an eight-person table. And at least two people were always fighting, so it was hardly ever full." Hazel said "If it wasn't Ash and Craig, it was Paige and Spinner or Jimmy and Spinner or Marco and Dylan. Or everyone and Spinner."

"Okay, I get the point." Spinner said "Just because you never got table exile, doesn't mean you have to rub it in."

"You missed when I backed Manny over Paige in Grade 11." Hazel challenged

"The rest of us had our own table conflicts too. But when we got stuck with Hazel during that time, Manny was forced to move to a different table." J.T. told them

"That's so mean! How could you guys do that to me?" Hazel asked

"Once you started saying the same thing on repeat it was enough to want to knock yourself out. Paige hates me, Paige is my best friend, Paige will forgive me right, Paige hates me etc. No offence, Hazel, but I couldn't stand you then, and I know that feeling was mutual." Toby said

"Yes, but I would have never told you that." Hazel protested

"Hey, must I remind you of the rules of this table. Rule number three is?" Marco questioned

"No fighting at the table, and we weren't fighting, just reminiscing." Toby said

"Sure. What I was trying to say before the conversation switched to Hazel and Spinners exile, was that Ellie always sat at this table. This one right here in the center" Marco pointed to the table in the middle of all the other tables pushed together.

"We would try to get her to come sit at our big table and she would stay at this one. It didn't matter if she was alone, she would still sit at this one. I asked her about it a long time ago, why would she rather sit alone at this table then at another table with all of her friends?" Paige said

"Because she would rather sit alone then sit where not **all** of her friends were welcome. And at that time, you guys weren't taking new members to your little club." Sean pointed out "This was her way of letting anyone who wanted to sit with her could, this way she was never leaving someone out. Even with it being a four-person table, she would always welcome some else to pull up a chair no matter how crowded it got."

"After you left for Wasaga, she added tables with the chairs. Then it was always Alex, Ashley, Marco, Jimmy, Hazel, Paige, and me until the end of grade 11 at least" Craig shared "Not to say that it didn't keep changing"

"Do you remember when school started again and she blew up in the middle of the restaurant?" Ashley asked

"How could any of us forget, that's how _this_ table started." Manny said

**FLASHBACK**

Alex was staring at Sean sitting at the coffee bar with Jay. They were talking and catching up.

"I'm just so angry, how can you not be pissed that he came back for her and not you?" Alex asked

"Thanks for bring it up _again_. You act as if I'm not upset. I'm hurt, but I can't control the way he feels. He left me that day in Wasaga. I broke up with him when he called me that night. I can't forgive him for leaving me when I needed him. It's been nine months Alex. He's allowed to move on." Ellie said

"But to her, I can't stand her! You know what she did with Jay. Does Sean know? I'm going to go tell him." She said getting up

"Alex, don't" Ellie tried to stop her. "Dammit Alex, he already knows."

Alex didn't hear her and went to start trouble between Jay and Sean. She was still hurt from last year.

"Emma's not that bad. I've known her for years. She's a good person. It's Jay's fault he took advantage of her when she was vulnerable." Craig said.

"Craig, lets not talk about this okay. I know Emma is not a bad person. We did bond a little bit last year when Sean left. But Alex has every right to hate her and I don't agree with what she did. If Emma makes Sean happy, then fine whatever. Alex thinks Sean and Emma are already together, but Emma doesn't know Sean came back to be with her." Ellie sighed

"So you and Sean talked? Do you think they will get together?" Craig asked.

"Yes we talked, and my ex's love life is not something I want to discuss. No offense Craig, but I don't want to talk about Sean anymore. I'm already going to have to tell Ashley all about it anyway." Ellie said

"She's coming home today. I can't believe she broke up with me again. Though, I guess we are some what even, She cheated on me this time. I want to be mad at her, but I can't do it. It just hurts, and all I feel is pain, there's no room for anger." Craig sighed

"Hey look on the bright side, Marco's coming back too. And Paige. They both have been gone for awhile. I wonder how Marco's trip went. Or how Paige's went." Ellie said

"I'm sure Marco's was better than Paige's, she went to break up with Matt, remember?" Craig pointed out.

Ellie looked at her watch, "They should all be here any minute now. Marco and Paige said that they would wait for Ashley to land since they're all at the same airport."

"I am not ready to see Ashley. If Marco wasn't coming here, I would leave."Craig said

Ellie and Craig chatted for a few more minutes, then a blonde walked in and screams from another table erupted.

"Paige! Over here!" Hazel squealed.

Paige waved at Ellie and Craig and walked over to sit with Jimmy and Hazel. Jimmy was still mad at Craig for forgiving Spinner.

The door opened again and Ashley walked in holding hands with a tall blonde guy. Ellie waved her over and Ashley paused when she saw Craig and changed direction and followed Paige to Jimmy and Hazel's table.

Craig noticed the guy and stood up.

"She brought him! Ellie did you know he was coming?" Craig demanded.

Ellie shook her head no."So much for 'there's no room for anger' huh?"

"I'm not sitting with them." Craig stormed off and went to talk to Spinner at the counter.

By this time Alex was only arguing with Jay. Finally Alex slapped Jay and walked over say hi to Paige.

Sean had walked over to where Emma was sitting with Manny, J.T., Liberty, and Toby. Emma had said 'no' when Sean asked if they could talk. Then he walked back to the counter to talk to Craig.

When Marco walked in, he caught Ellie's eye and motioned one minute and he went to talk to Craig.

Spinner moved when he saw Marco and went to talk to the now alone Jay.

Ellie sat at her table alone for fifteen minutes watching all the table switching. It was giving her a headache. After Marco had switched tables five times just so he could say hi to everyone, She stood up and said

"I've had it! Enough already!"

Everyone in the Dot stopped and looked at her for a second. The people that didn't know her went back to their food, while those who did, stood there confused.

Ellie went around to the few tables next to her and talked to the people sitting there. After she did, they would get up and move to a booth or another table. Ellie walked up to Spinner and grabbed the rag he was using right out of his hand. She then went back and wiped down each of the now empty tables. Next she stared to drag tables over to her table and connected them. Then she went back for the chairs. She finally stopped and silently counted all the chairs.

By this time they were all just staring at her. Ellie marched over to Jimmy and Hazel's table and grabbed Ashley and her boyfriend by the wrist and lead them over to the table she had just put together. She kept dragging over people until there was only one chair left open, besides her own.

She finally sat down. She went into her bag and brought out a notebook and pen, slamming them down on the table.

Everyone had just sat there quietly, exchanging glaces until Ellie finally spoke up.

"I'm sure your all wondering, why you are now sitting at this table. If you look around, I know you'll see faces you recognize as both friends and enemies. There are also people who you probably never or hardly ever talked to." Ellie started

"The reason why you are all sitting here is simple. I'm sick and tired of watching you all jump from table to table, just to avoid someone. I want to be able to sit and hangout with all of my friends at the same time, not just one, or all but one. Now all of you have sat with me at this table at least once with the exception of David."

Everyone looked over at David. He just waved and smiled awkwardly.

"I have never not let someone sit here, even if I didn't really like the person, they have always been welcome at my table. I won't make someone feel not welcome. Those of you who are familiar with the rules of my table know that if someone sits down and you can't deal with them, then you are free to go."

Ellie opened the notebook to a blank page and grabbed her pen.

"Not anymore. Look around you. We are all connected to each other by at least one person sitting here. I'm not saying we all have to be best friends, but at least, can we make it so no one is left sitting at the counter by themselves? Now, just to prove that we are all connected, I think we should go around the table. Say your name and how you are connected to each person at this table starting with the person next to you and work your way around."

"I'll start: My name is Ellie Nash. Ashley is one of my best friends and we bonded over a bad day in grade ten. David is her boyfriend. Alex is my ex-boyfriend's friend's ex-girlfriend and is one of my best friends. Paige is my loveable, yet sometimes annoying, guardian angel. Hazel was once my band mate and my fav detention accomplice. Jimmy was also a detention buddy as well as Toby there sitting next to him. Manny and I co-starred in a movie this summer. Emma was buried in sand with me and endured four of the most uncomfortable hours I've ever had on a road trip. J.T. asked me out at least a dozen times when I was in grade nine. Liberty is my editor for the grapevine. Spinner has been here every day with coffee waiting for me, two sugars and whipped cream. Always ready before I ask. Jay used to give me rides to school. Sean, ex-boyfriend. Craig is my great friend who has been here for me all summer. And last, by far from least, is my soul mate and best friend Marco." She looked at each of them as she said their names.

"Alright Ash, your next." She said "And lets keep this as friendly as possible. I don't want to hear one bad thing in a description."

This went on until finally Marco had finished. Everyone, with the exception of David had been able to say something about each person that linked almost directly to themselves.

There were a few awkward moments and the word ex was used a lot. Ex-boyfriend, Ex girlfriend, Ex best friend, ex friend etc.

"Okay, now that you can all see what I as trying to say, I think we need some rules."Ellie wrote some down and told everyone to sign it.

"Now that's all taken care of, let's celebrate finally be coming one group. Milkshakes all around, my treat."

**END FLASHBACK**


End file.
